also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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