Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Life is so much better after having sex.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
