Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
