My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
