what day is it and did you see me today?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
