I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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