bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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