i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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