When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
