If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
