It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
