she was so not down for the gang bang
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
