I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
