then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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