i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
