Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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