All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
