Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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