You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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