Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
