Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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