ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
