I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
