Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
