I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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