Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
