I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
