guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
