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I think my vagina is haunted
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
