the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I would ride that face into the sunset
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
