you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
