I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
