Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
