last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
