Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
