dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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