I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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