i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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