I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
