guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
