I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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