Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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