This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
