I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
