"it" just moved
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize