Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
