community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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