If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
