We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
