3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
